1.
Start Over
When couples first get
together, everything is new and exciting. They overlook the
little annoying things the other person does. However, after
time, the nagging starts, instead of hearing, “You look beautiful,”
they might hear “Why are you wearing that shirt?”
If this sounds like your relationship, first, the two of you need to
sit down and be honest that things have changed. Identify the
things each other did in the beginning of the relationship that
created the attraction in the first place. Then together, make
a commitment to start over. The truth is, both of you will
have to work on this. It will not automatically be easy but it
is possible. Start by forgiving each other, forgetting the
past, and then start over with the flirtation. Focus only on
the special things your mate does and relearn to put the unimportant
things aside. It will take some time so be patient.
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2.
Schedule Time
Spending quality time
together is crucial. This time can be with friends, dining out,
attending a sporting event, or cuddling together while watching a
favorite movie. The activity is not what is important but the fact
that you are together, doing something that you both enjoy. People
have extremely busy schedules and between work, family, the home,
errands, and everything else going on, finding time for your mate
can be difficult. Just as you would schedule a meeting on your
calendar, show some courtesy in the relationship by scheduling time
with each other. Once the plan is in place, no backing out unless
you have some life and death emergency.
3.
The Power of Touch
When a child is ill,
doctors will tell you that it is proven that a simple, loving touch
of a parent can quickly pull the child through a crisis. It is the
same for relationships. Playing with your mate’s hair, rubbing
their hand, a soft kiss on the neck, a soft pat on the leg or giving
a gentle back rub will make a huge difference in how your mate
responds to you. When was the last time you walked up to your mate
for no reason and without saying a word, affectionately placed a
kiss on their neck? This is not in a sexual way, but an
affectionate way. There is a difference. The next time the two of
you are sitting in the car, at the grocery story, or standing in
line at the theater, quietly reach over and take their hand. Do not
be surprised if you get a strange look of curiosity the first time!
4.
Surprise
If you and your mate
have scheduled some time for a Friday night dinner, put together a
surprise instead. For example, if your mate loves professional
wrestling, buy some tickets near the front or if they like concerts,
purchase the tickets ahead of time, getting the best seats
possible. When Friday night comes around, insist on driving and
head toward the location where the event is taking place. When
asked where you are going, simply answer, “I have a surprise for
you. I know you love professional wrestling so I purchased two
great seats for tonight’s performance,” or “I know we had planned on
going to dinner, but I wanted to surprise you with something
special. I purchased tickets to see one of your favorite groups in
concert.” The idea of you getting the tickets for something THEY
like and then keeping it as a special surprise will touch the heart!
5.
Needed Space
As important as it is to spend
quality time together, it is equally important to give each other
time to do something they like. If your mate loves to fish but you
have no desire to bait a hook with little, slimy worms, or if you
like to go to the casino but your mate would rather do something
different, encourage each other to take time apart. Try
establishing a set time for this very purpose, if possible. For
example, perhaps you could determine that every other Friday night
is “singles” night. This is not a time to date other people, but to
enjoy preferred activities. Remember that you have to place trust
in your relationship. If you try this and then drill them, to see
what they did, whom they were with, and where they went, then the
exercise has failed.
6.
No Debates
If you know that you and your mate
have proven differences in opinion on certain subjects, avoid those
subjects. As an example, if you are a Republican and your mate is a
Democrat, politics should probably be avoided. As the two of you
identify new topics that could cause a debate session, stop the
conversation before it even gets started.
7.
Filler Talk
If you are married,
especially with children, break out of the habit of talking about
nothing. Many times, families will be sitting around the
dinner table and the conversation consists of, “Do you like your
carrots?”, or “I wonder what is on TV tonight?” Instead,
change your strategy to include real questions, showing real
interest. Replace the normal, “Did you have a good day at
work?” with “Tell me what you did at work today.” Even if you
do not understand everything being said, listen with interest.
It is not that you are so much interested in the work, but your
mate’s life.
8.
Re-establish Old Traditions
If you and your mate
had a tradition of some kind when you first got together, dust it
off and breathe life back into it. Perhaps you met after work
on Friday at the local pub for a drink, washed your cars together
every Saturday morning, or attended church together on Sunday.
Whatever it was, re-establish the tradition.
9.
Predictability
If asking couples the
factors involved in the demise of their relationship, one of the
common responses is that everything in the relationship is so
predictable. When rebuilding a relationship, do not be afraid
of letting go of boredom. If you normally hate the fact that
Saturday afternoons consist of your mate sitting for hours watching
football, fix some finger sandwiches and something cool to drink and
go join them on the couch, or if your mate spends hours in the
garden trying to make things look perfect, surprise them with a new
flowering plant, and then help to plant it. When taking a walk
with your mate, stop and give them a soft kiss, say, “I love you,”
and then keep walking. Take some chances and do the
unexpected.
10.
Lighten Up
Often when couples have gone through
or are going through some bumpy spots in their relationship, things
tend to get serious. It could be that there is a tremendous amount
of tension or perhaps they are not sure what to say. Regardless of
the reason, learn to lighten up. Do not take every comment, glance,
or movement as a serious problem. If your mate makes a mistake,
which you both will, let it go, or if appropriate, laugh about it.
If you make a mistake, do not be afraid to poke fun at yourself.
This will automatically start the process of tension breaking.
11.
Communicate
When couples are having problems in
a relationship, communication is the first thing to stop. It is
often easier to just be quiet than to get mad. When rebuilding
relationships, just as communication was the first to stop, it now
needs to be the first to start. This will require that both
individuals let down their guard and pretty much throw caution to
the wind. Healing in the relationship cannot start until you talk.
Make an agreement that you will talk about anything and everything
and that you will listen, really listen. That does not mean that
you will agree with everything, which is perfectly fine. However,
if you do not agree, do not yell, rather, the two of you need to
calmly discuss the issue and together, work out a solution. This is
hard work but within a very short time, you will both feel much
better, individually and as a couple.
12.
A
Night of Passion
Intimacy and passion in
relationships is not only important but also healthy. Couples need
to enjoy being together in an intimate way. When relationships are
troubled, the last thing either person wants is to be sexual or
passionate with each other. However, this is a part of the healing
and rebuilding of the relationship and although it might be awkward
in the beginning, it is crucial. Make your intimate time together
special. Surprise your mate with a warm bubble bath, lighted
candles, soft music, and a bottle of wine, or reserve a nice
romantic evening at a local hotel to include a wonderful candlelit
dinner, fine wine, and a beautiful room.
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13.
Dinner Party
Start a new tradition of hosting a
dinner party every other month or two and inviting several of you
and your mate’s friends. Set up board games that everyone will
enjoy, have some light and lively music playing, and plan to have a
blast. Spending time with friends in this kind of setting is a
great way to reduce stress. When stress is low, couples get along
better. This is a wonderful way to interact with each other’s
friends as a couple.
14.
Happy Birthday
As people grow older, in general,
birthdays become less celebrated. Gifts are quickly given, meals
eaten, and it is over. For your mate’s next birthday, take some
time to plan something very special. Make this a true celebration
of their life as a way of showing your love and appreciation. Every
person, even adults, like attention and love to be appreciated.
Whether a surprise party or not, your mate will be impressed that
you went to all the effort just for them.
15.
Secret Getaway
Plan a nice weekend
getaway to some place off the beaten track where you can enjoy
some privacy. A quaint cottage or charming bed and breakfast
would be ideal choices. Scout out the area ahead of time
and choose a few things that the two of you would like to do
in the area but just be sure to leave plenty of time for you
to enjoy some alone time. Order a nice bottle of wine
or some hot cappuccino and relax in front of the fire!
Make this a romantic weekend where you can rekindle your love.
If you're really adventurous, head off across the world to phuket.
16.
Special Greeting
If your mate has to work late and
you know he had a bad day, surprise him with a late-night gourmet
meal. When you hear him arrive home, greet him in new, sexy
lingerie, a warm kiss, and wonderful hot meal. After he picks
himself up off the floor, he will fall in love with you all over
again for this wonderful greeting. If reversed and the woman is
coming home, after giving her a lingering kiss, have her join you in
the dining room where the table is set with soft glowing candles and
a wonderful meal. Have an envelope lying by her plate that when
opened, she will read, “This certificate is good for one
thirty-minute massage after dinner.” This is how you keep romance
alive!
17.
Just Because
Give your mate gifts “just
because.” These do not have to be expensive whatsoever. For
example, one woman had a miniature dish collection in her kitchen.
Her husband came home and told her that he had a gift for her.
Holding out her hand, he gently placed in her hand a miniature
porcelain cup with her name neatly written in blue ink. She knew
that this cup probably cost no more than $2.00 but the thought that
he would take the time to find something she enjoyed, was worth $1
million. The small gifts packed with thought are far more
cherished.
18.
Say it with Words
Surprise your mate with little notes
found in unexpected places. If your mate travels for work, place a
loving note somewhere in their suitcase. Perhaps they have a long
commute to work. If so, slip a note saying, “I love you,” in their
CD case where you know they will find it. Another recommendation is
sticking a note on the bathroom mirror so this will be the first
thing seen in the morning. Be creative and have some fun with this.
19.
Cuddle Time
When couples first start dating,
cuddling is usually a part of their everyday existence. However, as
the relationship progresses or after children enter the picture, the
cuddling stops. Take some time just to cuddle. If your mate is
sitting on the couch watching a movie, or laying in bed reading,
scoot close and tell them that you just want to cuddle. This makes
both people feel secure and loved.
20.
Breakfast in Bed
When was the last time you or your
mate were served breakfast in bed? Never? On a Saturday or Sunday,
when nothing special is planned, get up a little early and fix their
favorite breakfast. Include the morning newspaper as an added
bonus. Although they may be shocked, you can be guaranteed that
this gesture of love will be appreciated.
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